Fashion-Glasses

So I'm standing in the kitchen, enjoying my morning cuppa when I hear some impossibly chirpy lady on the radio: "well, it's 8 degrees in Bethnal Green this morning, and it looks like a cold and wet day ahead". Assimilating the information through a melange of sleepiness and disbelief, I ambled into my room and opened The Winter Drawer for the first time in a few months. From it I took my Gore Wind-Stopper jersey, an incredible bit of clothing. I left the various tights, 3/4 bibs and 'roubaix' this that and the other behind. Wearing the jersey was a mistake because it's not cold today - they lied. Although the ground was wet I did not get rained on. This meant that my ride was at Gas Mark 9 for 40mins.

Today I used some clear sunglass- lenses that I got in HK for the first time too. The funny thing about them is that they're clear, so strictly speaking they're just, well, glasses. I use Oakleys, and the frame is an odd Tortoise-Shell finish, branded "rootbeer". The net effect of rootbeer frames and clear lenses is that I fear someone will think I am wearing the glasses for style. You know, like vain people would don glasses to appear studious, or serious, or just to "frame the eyes a little more, yah". I can only hope that the other elements of my riding gear - some bright blue metallic-finish shoes, for example - will make people realise that rootbeer-framed glasses ain't going to make me stylish!

So, why would I wear them? They are UV-treated, but that's not the reason. With the clear lenses, they don't cut out glare, and they're not polarised. The short answer is that three times in the last few years I have had metal splinters removed from my corneas. These splinters have been kicked up in the road ahead of me, or have come from truck exhaust. There's nothing you can do to avoid getting them in your eyes, except wear glasses at all times. So that's what I'm trying to do, even though it makes me look like a giant two-wheeled Woody Allen.

Please wear glasses when you cycle - or the following will eventually happen. You go to A&E with a scratchy eye that is bloodshot. They put antiseptic drops in, which stings like hell. Then you have to stare into the brightest light imaginable, with your super-sensitive blood-filled eye.

Next is my personal favourite part. They ask you to rest your chin on a bar. Once you're there and the lights are low, a clamp (yep, a CLAMP) fits onto the back of your head and is screwed tight, so you can't move. They sort of spring the clampy bit on you - I suppose no-one would relax if they said "right, let's get your head clamped nice and tight, shall we?" With one hand the doctor holds your eye open in an iron grip. With the other he/she scrapes a cotton bud with iodine on it over your eye (hurts hurts hurts). If that doesn't work - and it rarely does, 'cos you've already tried that at home before going to hospital, out comes the *needle*.

Theoretically there are no pain-receptors on the cornea, so the Doc says something like - "this shouldn't hurt, but it might be a teeny bit uncomfortable". Hand clamps eyelids even further open. Think Clockwork Orange. Scritch scritch, scrape, prick, prod. There is a doctor prodding your eye (which you can still see out of) with a big needle. So you see the needle coming, at close range. Horrifically traumatic. The needle grips your cornea and pulls your vision, as every nerve in your body tells you to blink and flinch. Eventually a very, very small and shiny bit of steel ends up on a cotton pad, you get a giant eye-dressing and you're told to leave it covered for 48hrs. Once it has happened to you once, your cornea is scarred and it's more likely to recur. Nice, eh?

Just think, the simple precaution of wearing dorky clear sunglasses could stop this. It's even more important if one of your eyes is dominant (as in my case). The clear glasses aren't a style thing, OK? They do make me look kind of studious though, in a Geek Chic sort of way....